I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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