Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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