Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
