using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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