Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
