Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
