ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
