One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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