cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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