i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
