Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
