Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have aggressive nipples.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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