New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
