can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
