I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
