the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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