i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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