I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to have your abortion
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
