so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
