I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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