There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
