Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
