My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
