Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
