Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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