Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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