So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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