He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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