ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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