Since when is my name a synonym for head?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
