I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
