he thought i was a dude.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
