my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
