So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
