these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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