omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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