i don't like sucking hair
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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