just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
