i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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