ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
