he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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