Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
