I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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