Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
