You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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