My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
