My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
