I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
