Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
