When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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